


(spiral system)

by EmeliaK



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, THE iDOLM@STER Shiny Colors
Genre: F/F, catharsis in scratches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22193101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeliaK/pseuds/EmeliaK
Summary: it's not a good moment right now
Relationships: Mayuzumi Fuyuko/Izumi Mei
Kudos: 6





	(spiral system)

"Bleed me. Bleed me. Bleed me out."

Fuyuko is in pain. Fuyuko feels nails running down her back, down her spine, scraping against every inch of hard flesh against vertebrae, attacking her structure, threatening to pierce her, grind her to dust, tear her neurons apart, leave her nothing, she's not pushing away her ideation, nobody's telling her to keep her balance now, not herself now, she can fall as far as she wants, as far as anything will let her, she wants to hit the ground hard, smash into a million pieces, leave something unrecognisable that everyone will know the identity of,

it's so not fair to the person giving her this, one flicker of Fuyuko's mind says,

become viscera, become something beautifully entrancingly repulsive, hideous, unhuman, ex-human, ex-Fuyu, ex-herself,

crying into████chest, hard,

panting, shuddering, raggedy, receptor, responder, inflicted, words dissolved into a mess of breaths, mind scrambled into a mess of arrows,

so lucky███understands to keep going,

doesn't deserve to be indulged in something so joyful, deserves it because she should hurt and scar and be a walking display of all her weakness for all to see,

"███,"

can't think of anything else, doesn't want to think of anyone else, can't put them where she is, she's rotten, nothing at the centre,████so kind, so patient, it's so surreal she'd do this, it's a good heart that lets her do it, is what███understands with, lets her hurt Fuyu like this,

Fuyu, Fuyu, Fuyu, Fuyu, Fuyu,

her name, her name, her name, her name, her name,

███, Fuyu's so sorry, Fuyu doesn't understand who she is sometimes, even when she has it all figured out, it's still there when nobody's looking, and now███has to see this ugly display, this proof that Fuyuko is worthless, incorrigible, lashes out, hurts everyone, hurts herself doing it,

and yet████still embracing her,

the scratches have stopped,

even when she's an idol, even when she's succeeded, truly found an ending, sometimes how much it means to her falls to so little like her brain can still reject it, still won't take it in after every single day of her waking working life,

and at that moment, right now, sobbing, hissing at each rip of pain when it throbs, pacified by each caress, trickle creeping her torso, stroking of her head, she only has███,

only has███,

only has Mei,

only has Mei.

* * *

"I'm so sorry about that."

"No apologising, Fuyuko, for serious. I get it. It's okay."

"Really? You get it? I must've seemed insane. I wanted you to go so far," Fuyuko says, letting how she's physically arranged come to her mind, still lying in Mei's arms, nestled awkwardly far over her chest, and her back must be a sorry sight. "In fact, no, it's insane you went that far just for me. I'm completely torn up back there now, aren't I?"

"You said it just there, right? For you. I'm not gonna lie, wouldn't have kept that up if I didn't think you wanted it so bad."

"That... that meant a lot more to me the entire time than just skin-on-skin scratches. I was hoping you'd get that."

"Course I do. Of course I do, Fuyuko. What am I to you, a bonehead? See me on stage the past, say, any times ever? Hell, you see me?"

Mei giggles, placed in a way Fuyuko knows is Mei's mood-lifting demeanour shining through.

"I see you." It's a great responsibility, yet a privilege to be part of what's behind Mei's exterior.

"And I see you." Can it really be the same for Mei? Past Fuyu? Fuyu, Fuyuko, Mayuzumi?

"Hard to believe sometimes."

"Makes me sad to hear that."

"No, not believe. The word I'm looking for is internalise."

Mei sighs.

"Yeah. Yeah, I can vibe that, maybe."

"Sorry."

"No sorries, I said!"

"Sorry."

"N'awww..."

Stroke, stroke, pat, pat, soothe, soothe. Quiet seconds pass.

"My wounds, then."

"You're worried about 'em so soon?"

"My idol image. It'll be interesting enough to ask the Producer 'hey, cancel my bikini shoots this summer, why don't you'. I don't think my fans want to be quite that in deep with the true Fuyu."

"Telling me you want your scratches to actually fade?"

"Ha. That's dark for you. It's kind of fucked up, actually. Take a cue from me and front over that, why don't you?"

"Are we fronting again? Too soon. Lemme have a bit more fun."

"You make me feel better with yours. Referencing me is just depressing."

"Masks, girl. Swap 'em out, pick 'n' choose's how they're meant to work. See? Our deal's we just both had to focus on one. Or, like, iunno if you'd call yours 'had to' or 'had to not', or. Point is. Man, this is kind of confusing."

"At least the normal Mei stays normal. 'Normal' Fuyu here explodes when a stiff breeze hits her. Nobody even likes that act. I don't even know why I still bother trying it any of these days - I guess some part of me's still anchored to the instinct to defend?"

"Hey. What's it they call it? Kayfabe? Think that's the word I heard? I got my stage one as well running, like, totally against me. Juggling act right here. Let's make a circus tag-team."

"Really? Normal Mei is that much of a problem to you? You're not just juggling a single ball?"

"Wow, remind me not to come to you next time I get depressed, then."

Fuyuko hears something that sounds like an insult, and then processes that it really, really isn't.

"No. I'm a terrible fucking therapist, Mei."

"You think that counts as a sorry, don'tcha? Want me to say it again?"

"Fuck you."

Mei pats Fuyuko's head. "Done."

"No, that asides, I get it. One day it'll be your turn to struggle, right?"

"You put that _so_ ominously. Buuuuuuut yeah."

"What do you even want me to do for you like you did for me, anyway? No, do you even want as harsh a treatment? Maybe I could just eat off your back and that'd do you."

Mei thinks for a bit, gazing up at the ceiling. Fuyuko just lying on her. She imagines she looks kind of like a weird Fuyuko-topped piece of sushi.

Funnily enough. Fuyuko hasn't noticed, but this entire time from start to finish to way past finish, her arms have been gripped around Mei hard. Not, like, uncomfortable hard. Comforting hard, actually.

"Try and snap my ribcage off, maybe?"

"Jesus, where the hell did that come from?"

**Author's Note:**

> the idolm@ster shiny colors is a game with good characters
> 
> "Like, break it on either side by squeezing super hard so it'd come together-ish? That kinda feel."  
> "Oh. Yeah, I get the idea. Thanks."


End file.
